Why is Making Boca Mom Friends So Dang Hard Sometimes?

Stop me if this sounds familiar. You feel like you have a lot of friends in your life. I mean, your wedding was probably about 150+, right? But after having a baby…you find that most of these friends “don’t get it.”

Don’t get what exactly?

Motherhood. It’s hard! And unless you’ve been there firsthand, it can be REALLY challenging to relate.

So then we decide we need Boca mom friends. But, it’s not always so easy to join this new tribe of women. That’s why I’m talking to Boca Raton therapist, Lori Lundin-Fish, PhD, LMFT of Palm Beach Therapy Center. As mom AND therapist, she gets how challenging this process can be. Let’s discuss!

I already have a ton of friends who aren’t moms yet. Why are Boca mom friends so important?

Having a strong circle of mom friends can be so helpful, yet it can also present many challenges to modern moms. It seems as though one of the most difficult parts of transitioning to parenthood is establishing a close and reliable network of support with those who have had similar experiences and can walk through those experiences with you in real time.

This phase of life comes with its fair share of surprises. It can be exhilarating, terrifying, demanding and exhausting. Though all of our relationships are valuable, it is important to find others you can relate to and share stories with because of these specific obstacles. Basically, having “mom friends” makes you feel a little less lonely in what can sometimes be a very lonely world.

Many new moms struggle with finding balance in parenting. They also struggle with making Boca mom friends–especially after experiencing the birth of their first child. I can’t help but wonder why is making these friends so challenging despite the fact that we all want the same thing? 

How can having a tribe help you make the most of motherhood or the “mom experience”, if you will?

After transitioning to motherhood, women may experience a great amount of loneliness, doubt, guilt, and fear. These are tough emotions to deal with! Of course, in battling the negative self-talk that accompanies these things, women turn to each other. They need support, encouragement, empathy and companionship–and don’t forget the tacos and wine.

Unfortunately for many women, in their effort to make friends and “build their tribe,” they are often left feeling rejected, dismissed, and “othered.” Can you imagine? Experiences like this may create more of the same difficult feelings moms today are struggling to alleviate.

Research shows that in recent years there has been an increase in postpartum depression. In the US, 1 in 9 moms will struggle with PPD. Though postpartum symptoms can occur for various reasons, having a reliable and uplifting support system can likely make a positive impact in overcoming the many challenges of motherhood.

Your tribe is essentially your support system. They give you a safe space to process your emotions, a shoulder to cry on, useful feedback when needed. And, they can motivate and challenge you to be more present and understanding in situations where you feel depleted. In finding happiness emotionally, moms may feel a little less exhausted and discouraged in their journey. Therefore, they allow themselves to be more present in creating positive, loving memories at home, rather than constantly worrying or overthinking. This all helps you make the most of motherhood.    

As a therapist, do you have suggestions on how moms can approach making new friends who are in the same life stage as they are?

There are many opportunities to create more relationships and “Boca mom friends.” I would suggest becoming involved in more community resources and possibly enroll your little ones in classes. Moms can also meet new friends at school gatherings and special events like birthday or holiday parties.

The most valuable thing to remember is to stay true to yourself. There is no need to “fit the mold” or to be a “perfect” mom. We are all trying consistently to do our best for our children and families. As mothers, women seem to develop a strength they never knew existed, where they continue to persevere beyond their limit. Do not get discouraged when you feel rejected. Continue to embrace other nurturing relationships and remember the strong woman you are.

Any other tips?

My only other tip would be to also remember you have the ability to make a true difference in someone else’s life. Continue to befriend others in your “mommy and me classes,” share your stories and experiences, and laugh with one another. Keep in mind, we are in this together and there is always room for one more in your “tribe!”

Connect with Palm Beach Therapy Center online:

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