Kids, Smartphones & Social Media: How I’m Keeping My Child Safe Online

Who would have thought that the small device I use for nearly all of my work as an adult would spark so much debate when placed in the hands of our kids? Alas smartphones, as much as we love…and occasionally hate them, aren’t going anywhere. And as the mom of a twelve year-old girl, I’ve had to think long and hard about how to introduce this technology and create a family plan that feels both safe and realistic…and keeps my kid safe online.

When our daughter Avery entered middle school, my husband and I saw two clear options:

1. Keep things simple with a smart watch (paired with a laptop for schoolwork and streaming).
2. Go all in and gift her a smart phone for Christmas.

The decision was essentially made for us when her ballet teacher explained that Avery needed to record her Nutcracker dances to rehearse after hours. Neither her smartwatch nor laptop had a good enough camera. So, we bought a brand-new (pink) iPhone 15, turned off cell service and let her slowly ease into using it under our watchful eyes over holiday break.

What I should have anticipated? Gen Alpha is exceptionally savvy. Avery figured out quickly that her phone actually did have cell service—and to her credit, she asked us. So, we set strict parameters: texting (with my #1 rule: never type anything you wouldn’t want your principal to read), streaming during travel, and using it as a safety/convenience tool for pick-ups and drop-offs. We also made one non-negotiable decision: no social media until age 13. I can’t help but want to keep my kid safe online. She’s only 12!

That didn’t stop her from asking, especially about Instagram. I created an account for Avery when she was a baby for family memories, with the intention of turning it over when she became a teenager. Now, thanks to Meta’s Teen Accounts, I feel confident about following through. As soon as the clock strikes midnight (her request), I’ll convert the account knowing that Instagram is finally stepping up with real safety features designed to protect teens by default.

To keep our kid safe online, they include:

1. Accounts for users under 18 are automatically set to the most private and protective settings.
2. Teens can’t be contacted, tagged, or mentioned by people they don’t follow.
3. Content filters block sensitive topics like self-harm, eating disorders, or cosmetic procedures.

Here’s a little bonus for me: as a content creator, I’m on Instagram constantly! If Avery ever posts something questionable or makes a typical teen mistake, I’ll likely see it before she even puts her phone down. Social media has a learning curve after all. With Instagram’s latest supervision tools, I can also see who she messages, set daily screen-time limits, and even schedule “quiet hours” (think 10 p.m. to 7 a.m., because truly nothing productive happens on a phone after midnight).

But let’s be clear: this isn’t about “spying on my kid”. It’s about keeping our kid safe online, helping families create healthy boundaries, building trust, and keeping lines of communication open–something technology can support, but not replace.

The truth is, even with stronger tech safeguards, nothing can substitute parental connection to keep a kid safe online. These tools only work when paired with open, ongoing conversations with your child about what they see, feel, and share online. And if you’re a parent who’s not on Instagram yet, consider this a sign and make an account ASAP. Learn the app and understand the landscape your kids want to step into. (And if you need someone to follow, I’m at @modernbocamom.)

These decisions are never straightforward. I’m lucky that I have a daughter who considers it a “personal challenge” to try and lower her screen time each week! With the holidays (and winter break) approaching, now is an ideal time to start having those meaningful conversations with your kids as they enter this next digital chapter. Take it from me—setting expectations early and guiding them with confidence can make all the difference.